Thanks

My tears have been filling a tall glass for the past 3 months with all these goodbyes. And I've cried the past 3 nights cause I'm gonna miss all of you. 

A lot.

my time has come, and tomorrow I'll be drinking that glass. And I know it's gonna be hard and I've been dreading saying goodbye to my family but it's worth it. 

It's worth it to me.

So this is my farewell to all.  Keep writing seniors. This blog changed me and opened my eyes to things I never would've seen. I'll never forget that.

Thank you, Nelson. For everything.

Real Talk and Honesty

I wish I could talk about cigarettes like Austin Garret but that's not for me.

  I want to talk about Honesty but I've been called a Compulsive Liar 3 times in the past 2 weeks so I guess that's a little ironic.

A little ironic but thickly real.

I want you to know that it hurt worse and worse every time.  Every syllable felt like a hot knife followed by an echo I never wanted to hear.
It hurt because it's true.

I've been living burnt for 4 years and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing but I'll tell you right now it's been a serious bitch.

It's been a long road of bloody palms but my hands are getting softer and softer with every passing day and I don't know if it's because I've washed them more than once or because February 22nd was 150 days ago.

This post is supposed to be about honesty so I'm telling you February 22nd was the day I became pure.  My heart changed, and so did my actions.

February 22nd is the reason I'm serving a mission and the reason my eyes changed from a dark hazel to a Light Green.  They're the brightest they've ever been And tonight you told me they flowed like a river which is also ironic.

If I'm being honest right now, I hate when you talk about baseball.  And I know "hate" is a strong word, but you weren't the one with a broken elbow.

I'm sick of hearing the story told over and over again because it still hurts every time.  And I'm sorry I'm still bitter but you don't know what it feels like to hear the word "Disappointment" when you're already on the verge of tears.

So this post is for you. 
And this post is for me because I've been kneeling on the ground for the last 5 months trying to forget my failures but it's hard to let go of something that's constantly staring you right in the face.

I'm being pulled West and East and my head is hanging low but at least I'm not chained to the floor anymore.

 

I know this post is supposed to be about honesty, but this post is meant for the solid oak I've become. This is meant for the deep roots in my veins, and the clear green apples that have been growing on my heart. 
Because 5 months ago, everything was rotten.

 

So this is my Thank You.

 

- Braeden

Raconte

It's 2 12 AM and "17" has been on repeat for a couple weeks now.

It reminds me of a football game and a special girl that likes Youth Lagoon.

A girl that I'm much to alike.

.........But this isn't about any of that.........

This is about 17.

This is for the hike after I got cut and the tears that fell on July 9th.

 

This is for the goofy kid at Sophomore baseball try-outs and the memories that came from a best friend.

This is for the late night raves, the curve balls, and the gay fishes.

This is for Bingham.
 

This is for the tears in my bed right now because it's only been 7 days and I miss you.

I miss you, Jacks.

 

This is about 17.

This is for Manchester and Jackie. 
Look me in the eye because this apology is deep and I've told you 1000 times but I'm sorry.

I wish I could take it back, but I can't.  and that tears me apart inside.
I'll forever be in your debt for your forgiveness.

This is about 17.

This Summer is meaning more and more with every closed chapter,
and my heart is thumping harder and harder with every last song and every goodbye.

 

So this is for Calyn's 19 You + Me, Addie's July, Jackson's Sugarlumps,
Mckay's Versace, Austin's Sorry, and Jared's Mr. Roboto. 

 

This is for My Montana.

 

This is for my homies, and Our new beginnings.
I want you to know that I'll never forget those songs because I think I finally found the definition of "special".

This is for ending 17 with a touch of Gold and beginning 18 with a new piece of clay.

 

This is for me moving on to something bigger and better.
And this is for me finishing with a touch of Diamond.

But until then,

This is about 17.

And this is for the Ice in my veins.

 

 

 

  

 

 

- Braeden

This Is For Me

I woke up this morning with a vibrant dream.  The clock said 10 17, and my heart felt deeper.
You had a torn blanket and a wooden stool with your name filled with all the colors of the spectrum. You sprayed me with a squirt bottle and I told you to stop but deep down I never wanted It to end.

I didn't intend for us to happen but I never was in charge of who plucked my heart strings.

It rained today and I couldn't get your name out of my head. I said it over and over again and it sounded more beautiful with every memory. There was a new shape every time with your 2 syllables because I still love every side of you.

Your name kept flowing and flowing out of my mouth like a river into a lake because that's Me and it only seems perfect with You.

This picture will always remind me of Our Story.

We traveled across the country together and shared a blanket that I never told you Thank You for.
We sat on the porch and talked about everything and nothing and deep down I never wanted IT to end.
We talked about our colors and I guess this is a good time to tell you Yellow has always been will always be my favorite.

Your eyes haven't changed since the moment I saw you and I don't want them too because we both know I can never get over your sparkle.
I haven't seen you for 2 weeks but it feels like 2 years.  A slow 2 years in a world that has only been giving me dull colors like black and white.

Because you,

Have always been my

r a i n b o w

This isn't for you, it never was.
I shouldn't post this because I never wanted you to see it.

But.
It's still 10 17 and time hasn't moved since the moment I saw you.



- Braeden

The End Is Infinite

I'm writing this because life as we know it ends tomorrow and I still wake up at 6 45.

We're running out of time and the conversations are winding away, But I wouldn't trade one second for another 3 years of High School because it's our memories that we're talking about today.

So this goes out to my homies, and my enemies.  For the nights we disobeyed our parents and got burned for it.  For the nights we ran naked down the AF canyon.
Fuel off the moments you can't put into words because life is supposed to be about breathless moments. 

And life right now is an Adventure.

So look forward, and take those old memories and stick them on the shelf to make room for new ones.

Lets move on from High School and stay up all night like we're young again.  Don't sleep because naps are for the dead, and Real Dreams only exist through Insomniacs.
Close your eyes but don't fall asleep, dear.  Imagine a beautiful meadow because you'll only see the world if you look for it.

So draw out your dreams and find your own city to paint because someday it'll mean something to You.

But everyone has to live in reality so take a deep breath, and cry HARD.  Take it one day at a time and remember tomorrow will come, and rainy days are already behind us.
Look for the good in people and shun the nightmares, because in the end, We're all dreamers looking for that infinite sunshine.

And if you don't remember any of that.  Remember this: 
We got the whole rest of our lives left.  And if that doesn't deserve a HELL YEAH, I don't know what does.





- Braeden Harris



 

Smell The Rain

I woke up at 12:53 to look at myself in the mirror.

I turned the flash on and watched the smoke sink in, and release. Releasing the darkness that filled my touches from age 13 to 17.

I saw black bags, and helpless eyes. Half-lights, and a broken smile.

I watched it whither away with every exhale.

In and Out.

 

In

and

Out.

 

If you really knew me you would know my favorite color is green and I've only been in a meadow once. But it was a beautiful meadow.

I skipped rocks on the reflection and counted 10,000 stars while they aligned through our hands.
Wet grass and warm Roses wrapped around our shivering bones like an orphan being touched by his mother.

I looked deep in your eyes for the first time and I don't know if I saw Heaven or Hell, but I know I liked it.

 

You'd know my favorite moments were the ones at the top of Horsetail Falls.

We didn't talk.  We just listened to the birds, the sun, the slight breeze, heavy breathing, and the time counting faster than we could.

We spent days with goosebumps and weeks of pure happiness.

We laughed more than usual and took risks we wouldn't normally take.

 

 

You didn't know I'm afraid of roller coasters until we got there. #confession: I only went on them to hold your hand.

I still flex in the mirror, I brush my teeth twice before I leave the house, and I even cry in my bed sometimes.

This is the real Braeden. The one that's afraid to leave my moms hugs.

But I'm ready to go. I'll blow away my teenage years along with my life here in Alpine, but I'll never give away my breathless moments.

I'll put them in a jar and open them on the days I want to feel like a kid again. The days I miss being young.

 

But until then, I'm just trying to fill my canteen.

 

 

 

 

 

- Trevor Powers

Flashing Pictures and Bright Skys

Close your eyes and go to sleep, dear. And dream of us and how perfect this moment is.
Where the stars are shining, and the kisses are better than the movies.

This moment of dipping your golden streaks into the arctic river as we watch the night move from beautiful to perfect.

I'll walk you across the water and onto a ship full of radiant Roses. Where two little girls decided that tonight, they wanted to be pirates.

This moment of staring in your deep blue eyes and embracing a soon to be favorite memory. I'll give you my heart again and again just so you know for sure that you were the one that gave me goosebumps.
I'll stick it low in my chest and I'll make sure to lock it twice just so I'll never forget the night that birds sang and positives and negatives seemed to make sense.

We'll sail away with a token of Daniel's heart and a promise to make it more than a piece of wood. Bringing it with us every time we need to be reminded that we were all creative once.

Lets paint this picture and put it somewhere safe so we'll never forget the night we found a kiss in between the Treetops and the Atmosphere.

Now open your eyes,

Cause I think I feel something igniting

- Trevor Powers

Plackout Boetry

Look, life is hard. Life is not the Grand Canyon because I'd be afraid to look around us.

Flowers Aren't Always Pretty

This is for the kids that are stepping on throats.
And for the kids that are suffocating underneath something they believe is bigger than themselves.

 

This is for you.

This is for the stubborn kids with the broken family's because I never knew what to say to you, Mason.  "I'm sorry" never seemed enough.

This is for my sister, Mckenzie.  I want you to read this when I'm gone because yesterday you told me "you can't wait for me to leave" and that put another mark on my wall of shame.  I think that's 7 now.

This is for the killers and the stoners, because I know who you are, and I never wanted to be like you.

This is for the kids that are pressed deeper and deeper into the depths of addiction. For the ones that can't support a family, and for the ones that won't serve missions.

This is for the poppers because you're living red, orange, green, blue, and purple
and all I'll ever be is a fading grey.

This is for my homies because our tears have ran down our faces more than once.  Our tears that desperately needed a home inside each others hearts.  This is for the laughs, because Colt 45 never gets old.

But... This is mainly for me.  Because I think I found myself in the last 2 months. Crushed dreams and a distorted perspective became a wall of solid gold. I changed my aim from the stars to the horizon and I've ran like hell ever since. 

This is for the little boy that never wanted to be an astronaut,
and for the kid that got cut his senior year.

This is for me.





- Trevor Powers

A Hot Knife on a Sunny Day

Read This, Coach

Coach,

I'm fighting the urge to say "F*** you", but I'm preparing to serve a mission I'm too scared to say it.
I want too, because I want you to take me seriously. 

I want you to know that I'm still bitter.  You killed my only ambition of what I wanted to be.

I'll never forget that feeling in my stomach when you told me "Sorry, kid. It's a No."

I never thought it would hurt this much.

Countless Hugs and Crushed Friendships followed by Tears and Tears and Tears.
"I'm sorry" became repetitive, and "You're a good kid" became monotonous.

I'll never forget what you did to me, Coach.  Just because I'm "broken" doesn't mean I don't have a heart.

F*** you.

You took the light away from my eyes and turned it into my worst nightmare. 
And it came true. 
And It Came True.

I'm stuck living on this planet, and praying that someday I'll wake up and escape this vortex.

This may be just a game to you, but to me this is a family.

Give me one more chance, Coach. I'll do anything to smell that fresh cut grass again. 



- Trevor Powers

The Kiss Of Death

There's a pond at the end of the Earth that borderlines Hell.  A swampy pond, with toxic bubbles and smells of death.  Grabbing and terrorizing like a Venus Fly Trap.  Sinking and suffocating like quicksand. 

This Poisonous Pond is a murderer of millions.
But, it is possible to survive.  Trust me, I know.

Sometimes life drops you in the middle of this venomous pit and tells you to "swim". 

12 days ago, you opened your heart and allowed me to look inside. Telling me stories of why you're countenance is filling with toxic waste.
Explaining why you're ready to give up, Why you're ready to swallow Death.

With tears in my eyes and a broken soul, I opened my heart and showed you the remains of MY toxic waste. 
Telling you "there is a way out".  Begging you to not leave with the Dark Angel.

Because there are people like us out here.  Survivors. 

Give me your heart, and I will save you.

Don't get the wrong idea that this post is about death, because it's not.




- Trevor Powers

Moons and Moons... and Moons

I'm thinking about you because you're 73.46% Hydrogen and the center of this universe.

But time slipped through our hands, and you just killed Earth.  You killed the dreamer who imagined you.

I spent a year trying to Remember THAT Dream, but I never could figure out how the pieces fit together.

I loved what the Sun had to offer until I realized the Moon is Perfect.

The Moon is perfect because it sparks the nights that we remember.

The Moon was out that night we sat on the bench by the pond and held hands.   We watched the light glimmer across the water into a line as straight as Cupid's arrow.

The Moon was out that night we went up the canyon and sat in the same chair.  We watched the flames illuminate the fire into a dream that looked a lot like heaven.

Pink Floyd was incoherent when they tagged "The Dark Side Of The Moon" because there is no dark side of You.

Because You, are Perfect.



- Trevor Powers


P.S.  I know I told you it's open for interpretation, but the moon is what I'm looking at. (#41)

Out with the Old, In with the New

I wanna have those feelings again, the ones I have in my dreams. The ones where I wake up in a cold sweat cause I'm feeling so alive.

But these walls are closing in, and my heart just dropped through the trap door.
My hope is being burned with time, because I know that death can't be re-grown.
My vigorous pains, your warning signs, Thing's between us will never be the same.

The eradication of us never seemed real. 

Until I met YOU.

You were intriguing. Caught my eye the moment I saw you 6 years ago.  Bright hair, Bright eyes,  With a smile that could light up my darkest fears.

Soft hands, with a heart so big that it melts mine every time you have my pen on your lips.

You're my dream, and we're alive.  The whole world is whistling. Whistling to the sound of our favorite song.

Strawberry Ice Cream, Freeze Outs, and Fires scream "we're never gonna grow up."

Fire crackles, as it eradicates the beginning of something surreal.

 

And THIS.  This dream will take us to the Moon. And Back.

- Trevor Powers

Break Me

My bones told me to stop living in the dark because darkness kills.  But they never told me the road to light would be filled with thorns and heartache.

They told me they needed a break but I didn't listen.  I pushed and pushed until they shattered.  Disintegrating into a memory that only exists in my dreams.

My bones want me to be happy but they never told me leather and laces would be my biggest disappointment.

They never told me my heart was made of glass either.  Shattered by the slightest touch into shards that stay forever.  Cutting deeper and deeper into my bloody soul.

My bones said I was broken a long time ago but I didn't tell anyone.  I wish I did.

I wish I would've told you I've been crying for the last 4 years.  I've been pleading for help, but my glassy eyes never were the best at persuading.

I've been begging for a second chance that only exists in a perfect world.  But perfect worlds don't exist, and neither do second chances.

So stop taping the pieces back together because it won't change the fact that I'm still bleeding.

But my blood will run out, and life will go on..

I could say a broken bone ruined my life, but I never would've met you if I didn't.  And that was worth it.



- Trevor Powers

The Death Of A Tourist

Look at my journal, all the pages are straight.  Perfectly aligned in a way that won't be remembered.

Trevor Powers will be forgotten because writing from the heart is hard to reveal. 

I've found myself a villain in this story I've written.

I want that burning in my heart. Where the fire grows higher and higher and I can build it bigger than the sun.

I want to show you what's inside, but for so long I've covered it with lies. 

I'm finally ready for Paris.

 

 

 

 

- Trevor Powers

You.

738 days ago marks the day I fell in love with you.

Basketball games, Endless pancakes, a thrift shop, awkward cuddling, and to top it off, the snowball fight of the century.

I remember my cheeks hurting that day, the beginning of something surreal.

But Dreams Only Go As Far As You Take Them...

We need some time to re-build what we had, because it was truly beautiful.

Lets watch the city slowly vanish.  No crowd anymore, no cars, no signals.
In the middle of the street lies our mutual dream.  So stay calm, hold my hand, and give it a chance to take us away.

Because the peace that comes from our silence is something special.

I'm the only one that knows your bottom lip shakes when you're about to cry, because when I gave you that letter on your birthday, Tears filled our hearts.

You're the only one I've entrusted with the key to my soul.  The key to my darkest secrets. 
You've taken me to places I didn't know existed.  Places where everything we touch turns to gold.

I could stare in your eyes for hours, because that shade of green is unlike anything I've ever seen.

And I throw around "I love you" like they're produced from an assembly line.
But the ones I hear from you make me smile the same way I do when I get to show people a picture of you.

I even like making eye contact with you across the commons because it shows that you were thinking about me and I caught you and you know I saw but you don't care because you know I was thinking about you too.

I'm writing this because I want you to see my tears on the paper.
Because the middle seat was our special thing.
Because "Yellow" is our song.
Because that kiss in the middle of the football field, will always be our kiss.



- Trevor Powers

Playing With Fear

Senior year isn't about living in fear, its about taking pictures without a camera.  We live for moments that make our hands shake and voices tremble.

It drives me crazy knowing that I never kissed you.  The list of things I wish I would have done keeps on growing and it's filling the room in my brain called "regrets".  (#stolen)

So screw being afraid and live it up.  Because in 3 months, we'll never see each other again.

I'm sorry for you because when you look back you will remember NOTHING because you were to scared to play with fire.

Because when I played with fire, I ran from the cops and had the night of my life.

I didn't sleep cause I was terrified and that's why it will always be my favorite memory.

Screw you if you're to afraid to have an adventure because you're gonna wish you did.

I'm sorry you sat home that night because you missed out on something big.

The only fear I have is wishing I wish I would've done something.

"I was afraid to hold your hand in Ted Bundy's cave tonight but I did anyways because I knew I would regret it if I didn't." - Anonymous

- Trevor Powers

Relentless

A young, naive 15 year old boy once told me that he didn't care about anyone because people were shit.

But today, I saw a man picking up a broken pot to lighten a burden.
So screw you Nick Cave because when you said "people ain't no good", you were wrong.

Walking through the halls today, I heard a comment that broke my heart and filled it with anger.

3 simple words of "Go Kill Yourself".

It's people like you that make depression a real thing.
It's people like you that allow suicide to sound like a better option.

My stomach twists for you.

No wonder my sister comes home crying because people like you are relentless.

I pray to God that I will never end up like you.

Maybe you were right, Nick Cave.
Maybe that young, naive 15 year old boy was on to something.

It's almost as if destroying souls is a disease and every one's infected.
When are we gonna start looking for the good in people?



- Trevor Powers

A Lot Of Tears...

I'm writing this because no one knows what it feels like to be incapacitated.

I'm writing this because I don't want to lose my best friends.

I'm writing this because I don't want to miss out on the laughs.

I'm writing this because I don't want to miss out on the memories.

I'm writing this because the same vision replays in my mind like a tragic nightmare.


I'm writing this because it was worth it when you told me for the first time that you're proud of me.


Because one scrape proves that I'm still alive.

Maybe now I'll learn to appreciate the beauty in my life.

The countless laughs is something no one can replace.

I'll never forget the memories that dwell in my heart.

Thank you.


- Trevor Powers