Real Talk and Honesty

I wish I could talk about cigarettes like Austin Garret but that's not for me.

  I want to talk about Honesty but I've been called a Compulsive Liar 3 times in the past 2 weeks so I guess that's a little ironic.

A little ironic but thickly real.

I want you to know that it hurt worse and worse every time.  Every syllable felt like a hot knife followed by an echo I never wanted to hear.
It hurt because it's true.

I've been living burnt for 4 years and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing but I'll tell you right now it's been a serious bitch.

It's been a long road of bloody palms but my hands are getting softer and softer with every passing day and I don't know if it's because I've washed them more than once or because February 22nd was 150 days ago.

This post is supposed to be about honesty so I'm telling you February 22nd was the day I became pure.  My heart changed, and so did my actions.

February 22nd is the reason I'm serving a mission and the reason my eyes changed from a dark hazel to a Light Green.  They're the brightest they've ever been And tonight you told me they flowed like a river which is also ironic.

If I'm being honest right now, I hate when you talk about baseball.  And I know "hate" is a strong word, but you weren't the one with a broken elbow.

I'm sick of hearing the story told over and over again because it still hurts every time.  And I'm sorry I'm still bitter but you don't know what it feels like to hear the word "Disappointment" when you're already on the verge of tears.

So this post is for you. 
And this post is for me because I've been kneeling on the ground for the last 5 months trying to forget my failures but it's hard to let go of something that's constantly staring you right in the face.

I'm being pulled West and East and my head is hanging low but at least I'm not chained to the floor anymore.

 

I know this post is supposed to be about honesty, but this post is meant for the solid oak I've become. This is meant for the deep roots in my veins, and the clear green apples that have been growing on my heart. 
Because 5 months ago, everything was rotten.

 

So this is my Thank You.

 

- Braeden

Raconte

It's 2 12 AM and "17" has been on repeat for a couple weeks now.

It reminds me of a football game and a special girl that likes Youth Lagoon.

A girl that I'm much to alike.

.........But this isn't about any of that.........

This is about 17.

This is for the hike after I got cut and the tears that fell on July 9th.

 

This is for the goofy kid at Sophomore baseball try-outs and the memories that came from a best friend.

This is for the late night raves, the curve balls, and the gay fishes.

This is for Bingham.
 

This is for the tears in my bed right now because it's only been 7 days and I miss you.

I miss you, Jacks.

 

This is about 17.

This is for Manchester and Jackie. 
Look me in the eye because this apology is deep and I've told you 1000 times but I'm sorry.

I wish I could take it back, but I can't.  and that tears me apart inside.
I'll forever be in your debt for your forgiveness.

This is about 17.

This Summer is meaning more and more with every closed chapter,
and my heart is thumping harder and harder with every last song and every goodbye.

 

So this is for Calyn's 19 You + Me, Addie's July, Jackson's Sugarlumps,
Mckay's Versace, Austin's Sorry, and Jared's Mr. Roboto. 

 

This is for My Montana.

 

This is for my homies, and Our new beginnings.
I want you to know that I'll never forget those songs because I think I finally found the definition of "special".

This is for ending 17 with a touch of Gold and beginning 18 with a new piece of clay.

 

This is for me moving on to something bigger and better.
And this is for me finishing with a touch of Diamond.

But until then,

This is about 17.

And this is for the Ice in my veins.

 

 

 

  

 

 

- Braeden

This Is For Me

I woke up this morning with a vibrant dream.  The clock said 10 17, and my heart felt deeper.
You had a torn blanket and a wooden stool with your name filled with all the colors of the spectrum. You sprayed me with a squirt bottle and I told you to stop but deep down I never wanted It to end.

I didn't intend for us to happen but I never was in charge of who plucked my heart strings.

It rained today and I couldn't get your name out of my head. I said it over and over again and it sounded more beautiful with every memory. There was a new shape every time with your 2 syllables because I still love every side of you.

Your name kept flowing and flowing out of my mouth like a river into a lake because that's Me and it only seems perfect with You.

This picture will always remind me of Our Story.

We traveled across the country together and shared a blanket that I never told you Thank You for.
We sat on the porch and talked about everything and nothing and deep down I never wanted IT to end.
We talked about our colors and I guess this is a good time to tell you Yellow has always been will always be my favorite.

Your eyes haven't changed since the moment I saw you and I don't want them too because we both know I can never get over your sparkle.
I haven't seen you for 2 weeks but it feels like 2 years.  A slow 2 years in a world that has only been giving me dull colors like black and white.

Because you,

Have always been my

r a i n b o w

This isn't for you, it never was.
I shouldn't post this because I never wanted you to see it.

But.
It's still 10 17 and time hasn't moved since the moment I saw you.



- Braeden

The End Is Infinite

I'm writing this because life as we know it ends tomorrow and I still wake up at 6 45.

We're running out of time and the conversations are winding away, But I wouldn't trade one second for another 3 years of High School because it's our memories that we're talking about today.

So this goes out to my homies, and my enemies.  For the nights we disobeyed our parents and got burned for it.  For the nights we ran naked down the AF canyon.
Fuel off the moments you can't put into words because life is supposed to be about breathless moments. 

And life right now is an Adventure.

So look forward, and take those old memories and stick them on the shelf to make room for new ones.

Lets move on from High School and stay up all night like we're young again.  Don't sleep because naps are for the dead, and Real Dreams only exist through Insomniacs.
Close your eyes but don't fall asleep, dear.  Imagine a beautiful meadow because you'll only see the world if you look for it.

So draw out your dreams and find your own city to paint because someday it'll mean something to You.

But everyone has to live in reality so take a deep breath, and cry HARD.  Take it one day at a time and remember tomorrow will come, and rainy days are already behind us.
Look for the good in people and shun the nightmares, because in the end, We're all dreamers looking for that infinite sunshine.

And if you don't remember any of that.  Remember this: 
We got the whole rest of our lives left.  And if that doesn't deserve a HELL YEAH, I don't know what does.





- Braeden Harris