A Lot Of Tears...

I'm writing this because no one knows what it feels like to be incapacitated.

I'm writing this because I don't want to lose my best friends.

I'm writing this because I don't want to miss out on the laughs.

I'm writing this because I don't want to miss out on the memories.

I'm writing this because the same vision replays in my mind like a tragic nightmare.


I'm writing this because it was worth it when you told me for the first time that you're proud of me.


Because one scrape proves that I'm still alive.

Maybe now I'll learn to appreciate the beauty in my life.

The countless laughs is something no one can replace.

I'll never forget the memories that dwell in my heart.

Thank you.


- Trevor Powers

Because Bricks Aren't Enough

Crying does not always mean feeling pain.

When I was young and scraped my knee, I cried.  Now the only pain I feel is when I think of you.

Pain is a funny thing.  Because I would rather stab 100 knives in my chest than feel the way I do about you.

I even broke my hand over you.

As the hot water boils on my skin, I punch the concrete because the pain of a broken hand is easier to handle than the pain of a broken heart.

And as blood runs down my hand and my knuckles turn black, tears fill my eyes because that's real pain.

Tears fill my eyes because I'm thinking about you.

Go ahead, throw a brick at me.  Because pain doesn't grow from a broken arm.

Pain grows from loving someone unconditionally.

Pain is that rose that grew from concrete.

Pain only exists in the heart.

Now I know why people cut themselves.

- Trevor Powers

Being Different is Being Alone

Last week I sat by myself in the cafeteria just because I wanted to be different.
I sat by myself because I wanted to know what it felt like to be alone.

As the judgemental glares penetrated my shallow soul, I felt isolated.
I heard the faint voices whisper remarks that even Satan would despise.

.....................................................................................................................................

Last year I met a boy named Paul. Paul knows what voices I'm talking about because he knows what it feels like to be a shadow.

And last month Paul told me that I didn't have a heart, but I'm here to prove to you that it beats.

And last night you screwed me because you wanted to feel accepted.
And last night I screwed you because I'm an ass hole.

And last night... I cried in my hands again because I know what it feels like to have your heart slit.

And right now I'm starring at myself in the mirror because I want to know what it feels like to be crystallized.

Diamondized.

And next week I'll sit by that kid that's different because I know what it feels like to be alone.



- Trevor Powers

A Letter, Because I Can't Say It In Person

Dear _______,

I just need five minutes to explain, then I'll be out of your hair.  Forever.

I need you to know that I'm not here to win your daughter back, I'm here because the sorrow inside strings my neck like a noose.

I'm sorry for the pain that I have inflicted on you.  I'm sorry I was the reason for those unnecessary arguments, and the same reason for those countless tears.  I'm sorry for being the reason you looked in those soft, green eyes with disappointment.  I'm sorry for putting you and your daughter through so much pain.

I want you to know that I take full blame for what happened between your daughter and I.

It'll always be one of my biggest regrets.

But, I've learned from my mistakes.
I've learned more in the past year than I ever could have, and for that, I thank you. 


Sincerely,
       Trevor Powers


P.S. I'm still in love with your daughter.

Welcome to the Ballpark

It was a beautiful night on the gridiron on a crisp, fall evening.  Laughs and smiles filled the air as we listnened to the overplayed, yet satisfying "Bonfire".  We were excited to be there, and we made it very clear that we were ready to play.

Unfortunately, I showed up to the game, unprepared.

Unknowing.

I had no idea who I was playing against.
I had no idea WE would lose.

I thought when I hit that double, things would change.  I thought I would be happy.
But, I missed first base and the adrenaline of the game overcame me.

I looked at my hands, as if I had never seen them before. An undescribable sensation.
I looked at my hands, as if I had never cried harder. An undescribable sensation.

You were me, and I am you.  We're both out.  We both lost.

Crazy thing is we're on the same team.

I wonder if you'll ever forgive me.

I wonder if I'll ever forgive myself.


- Trevor Powers

I Miss You.

The TV lights the room,
Like a strobe against the wall.
I've watched all afternoon, without watching at all.

I'm thinking of YOU, dear.

I'm thinking of you that I can't seem to pay attention to the world.

I'm thinking of you because I can't seem to sleep at night, but I'm able to dream.  Like those countless marvels that I have about you that I wish was reality.

I'm thinking of you because I want to stay lost in this moment forever.  Like that night we danced to Aerosmith's famous "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing".

I'm thinking of you because it's energetic, like being struct by lightning for the first time.  Like that time we sat in the rain and kissed all night.

I always wanted to possess your heart, the same way Death Cab possessed mine.

But you once told me something that  would shred my heart forever.
Something that I'll never forget.

And I'll I've ever wanted to tell you is that I Miss You.

I miss YOU, dear.

- Trevor Powers

Life = Adventure

It'll always be just a dream, that borders reality.

It wasn't till we looked down we realized the most fun we had was looking up.

We find ourselves walking robotically on the yellow brick road, knowing the exact trail to get to the waterfall at the end.  Screw it.  Take another trail and who cares if you get lost.  Embrace that feeling of being frightened, because you might not feel it again.  Plus, The fun is in the journey, right?

Our goal is to reach the top in the lowest time possible, because every one wants to be the best. Screw it. Take some time, look back, and embark on the progress you've made. Or maybe I'm just tired and I want to take a break. (Don't tell my friends I'm out of shape)

We spend way to much time looking at the ground, playing it safe.  Making sure we don't step on a rock and "roll our ankle".  Screw it.  Look up, and run like you're being chased by your ex-girlfriend. Illuminate yourself with the flowers and pick one to give to that girl you're with.  She might turn out to be something special.

Let's take some time and sit on the rocks together.  Let's have a conversation that'll make me fall in love with you.  Let's embrace that careless feeling as we watch the sun go down.  And finally, let's hold hands as we walk back to my truck in the pitch black, because that's an adventure.

And life is ALL about having adventures.

 

 

- Trevor Powers

Montana

I look deep into the forest, as the music begins to play.  The light shines through the trees, the same way you shined through me.

I sit here in my old age, and smoke out my memories.  I smoke out my destruction.  My pain. My sufferings. The light is gone, the storm is finally here.

As I sit on my porch dreaming, I have flashbacks of my childhood.  My white shirt, and baseball bat in hand... I walk, reeking innocence and light.

But, that light's slipping away.  It's become sundown as my father and I walk through the forest of hell.

I give him one last hug before he leaves me.  But, this one's different.  This one is special.


With tears running down my eyes, he doesn't come back.

As the music sets in, feelings set in.  I'm alone.  I'm headed in a downward spiral.  My worlds spinning, slipping, sliding.  That light has become darkness. 

I consume myself with my thoughts.

A split river proves that I can be optimistic or pessimistic.  But how can I forget the one that lit my firework on the 4th of July?

My worlds grey, and the sun continues to go down, as life goes on.  Without me.

I feel hopeless as I jump into the unknown.  Assuming that this is the end.  But, I build the courage to stand and walk out that day as I remember my father telling me to "never give up".

I take his memories and I run aimlessly.  A split path proves that I can be optimistic or pessimistic.

I build a fire, ready to begin a new life.
As the music stops... I burn the memories of my father in the mountains of Montana.

"There's a spirit in Montana and in your chest, a soul"


- Trevor Powers

The Cage

I'm locked in a cage.

I've been stuck in this cage for quite some time now.

I'm locked in a cage surrounded by natures beauty.
I'm surrounded by my dreams.
I want to get out and smell the flowers, smell the rain.
I want to feel the way I did before.
Back when I was innocent.

But, everyone knows that once you've been in the cage, you'll never be the same.

I've thrown myself into prison.

Self-destruction.

I've inched myself into the water.
I'm stuck in the current.
I'm moving backwards.
I'm drowning.
I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath.
I don't know how much farther I can go before I drop off the end.

I wonder if I will ever get out.

I wonder if I will ever find out that the key is in my back pocket.


- Trevor Powers

Go Ahead, Feel Alive

We're human because of our emotions, our feelings.

We're human because of the way I made you feel that night.
That night I crushed you.

We're human because you still think about it.
You can't get over it.

We're all just wating for someting real to happen, I guess.

But for hell sakes, I'm sick of this darkness.

Forget about the bad days, think about the good times.

That time we sat in the back of my truck and looked at the stars.
That time we jumped in a frozen lake in the middle of the night.
That time we broke into a house, just because we wanted to feel alive.

This is for the adrenaline rushes.
The mysteries.
Jumping into the unknown, and coming out smiling.
Being able to say "I did that".

Cheers to all the good times.

The kisses, the holding hands, the everything.

Cheers.

The laughs, the smiles, the love.

Spreading love.

We're human because of the memories.
The smiles we get when we remember the good times.

Being human is about being alive.

We live for these moments.

We live for making memories.

This is what being human is supposed to feel like.
And it feels damn good.

- Trevor Powers